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Is your child being bullied?

We had this question posed by someone seeking wisdom and advice. We sought the advice of a professional and thought the reply was worth mentioning.

My son is in a very abusive school bashing situation. He was hit by a boy in the head several times. The boy did not fight fair, smacking him in his face and then twice in the back of the head.

We have spoken with the school authorities and also contacted the police. The boy’s mum and dad call boys fighting ‘normal behaviour’ and are saying we are in the wrong for taking this to the authorities. We are being tagged ‘dobbers’ and the boy’s father has said he will make our lives harder which is the last thing we need.

These boys are tormentors - they have been tormenting him since he started at this school last year. They are mocking our family because of our business, and one of these kids gave my son a birthday card with such smut on it. It had a cartoon picture of the mum and dad having sex then the boy asks Dad, “What were you doing to Mum?” And the dad says, “We are making you a brother or a sister.” When the dad comes home the boy says, “dad you know how you put a brother/sister in mum? The postman came over today and ate him out of mum.”  All this in a cartoon on a birthday card.

I have had a meeting with the Vice Principal this week and he has guaranteed he will be watching out for my son. He has also got the Year 10 basketball team watching him without others knowing this. There is a negative to this, as my son is now calling me a dobber.

Do you know of a good high school for my son with low bulling reported? Where the kids are happy? My son is in Year 10 - he is 15.

Strategies from a Child Safety Officer:

I work for the Department of Child Safety here in Queensland and quite frankly I am incensed by what your beautiful boy is going through. I am so sick of hearing stories like these that damage children beyond repair, body, soul and spirit.

Firstly, I know how heart breaking it can be to see your child get bullied in such a way as both my children have similar experiences at school and quite simply it is totally unacceptable. According to the LAW your son has a right to receive a quality education without being the subject of victimization!

Secondly, DO NOT accept ANYONE telling you that boys fighting is 'normal' and that you were wrong with going to the relevant authorities. These authorities are the ones who will be dealing with such boys when they are old enough to be in serious trouble because their parents have not taught them proper respect in regards to other people’s personal boundaries. You are the first line of protection for your son and it is TOTALLY within your rights to PROTECT your son. In fact, is your obligation as a parent – as a Child Safety Officer I am telling you if you didn't protect your son from such abuse in such fashions YOU could get in trouble, you have an obligation to protect!! So be encouraged, you have done the right thing and DO NOT allow yourself to be intimidated by anyone. Quite frankly, it is ridiculous to say to you are just making it worse by getting authorities involved - the trick is to get the authorities SO INVOLVED that this bully child and his parents do not have time to scratch themselves near your child without checking over their shoulder that someone is watching them and CONSEQUENCES will be applied.

Thirdly, I suggest you make an appointment with the Principal and Guidance Officer (you want to see the highest authority in the school) and march yourself into that school. Tell them that this situation is unacceptable and you want to know what additional supports they will be putting in place to make sure this does not happen to your child again (this IS their responsibility under the law). If they baulk, I would be telling them that it is the law that your son is entitled to an education without the fear of victimization and bullying and physical fear. If they spin you junk you don't understand without giving you a concrete plan – you say to them, “Please clarify what PRACTICAL supports and plans you will be putting in place to ensure this does not happen to my son again, so that his safety at school can be assured.” If they 'can't help you', then make these suggestions. (What is available will depend on the State you are in as each State has different legislation and ways of operating their education systems – but they should be able to do some of these things):

The KEY is to not take no for an answer – let them know this is a very serious issue for you and your son and ask for concrete practical supports. It is important that as a parent you are seen by your son to be protecting him to the best of your ability, that his safety is important to you and it is important to keep the lines of communication open.
 

I would be making the Principal aware of the card as well. You simply do not have to stand for this. As for your son thinking you are a dobber – unfortunately, like other aspects of parenting, you have to be the one to maintain the boundaries for your son's well-being. While he may not like it (in the same way he probably doesn't like other things you do), it is a part of our job as parents and the fallout from that is much less traumatic in the long term than letting bullying continue. A way that has worked for me to help that dynamic is by brainstorming with them and getting ideas from the child about how they would like to manage their safety at school and trying to incorporate those ideas as well.

Unfortunately from my experience bullying can and is a part of most schools but some schools have better procedures and policies than others – I know that in Queensland it has been a huge issue, so there are a lot of schools here that have a ‘no tolerance’ attitude to it and have really good programs to deal with it.